C'mon, Really?

     I just love seeing new followers on my page, so I'll take a moment to say thanks.  Anybody who reads what I have to say, whether they like it or not, deserves my gratitude.  Another thing to anybody who reads; always feel free (or reasonably inexpensive!) to leave feedback on any of my blogs, so I always know how you feel.  Again, thanks a ton.
     Okay, on to business.  It may be that I've been reading a great deal of spiritual books as of late (or what you bible thumpers out there consider "fiction"), but I am constantly shocked and appalled by the complete lack of general morality that goes with living on this planet nowadays.  People out there seem to be aiming to reach a new low, and I'm not even sure if ANYBODY is aware of it.  Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint by any stretch of the imagination, but there are a few cases I've heard about that just seem to surprise even me.
     My wife called me this morning from our church where she was having a girl scout cookie sale for my daughter and her troop.  While it was wonderful that our local community took time and money to help a cause that supports women everywhere, I was informed of something kind of disturbing.  Between masses, my wife was told by the church staff that if she needed to leave for any reason, she may want to pack up all of her product and take it with her until she returns because there was a man that hangs around with "sticky fingers".  At first, I was wondering if the term meant that the guy was a child molester or something (I don't hear that term very often), but I was soon informed that it meant he walks around stealing pretty much anything that isn't bolted to the floor.  Okay, I know people steal things nowadays; that doesn't surprise me.  But, in a church, while mass is being conducted?  The only words I can muster about this are, "What the fuck!?"  Evidently the church also can't do much about it because he has to be caught in the act to prosecute, otherwise it would be unlawful and they could face a lawsuit.  Interesting, huh?
     A woman is currently on trial for murdering her three children.  Why would someone commit such a heinous crime, would you ask?  She found out that there was a life insurance policy on them and wanted to cash in with their lives.  In my opinion, even if you wanted to throw morality and ethics out the window in this case, did this person really think she would get to keep the money after the authorities found out?  Seriously, what the hell?
     I could share more anecdotes about what's happening out there, but I don't have to because anybody who reads the press or spends any time on the Internet now sees this every day.  I truly think that there are a lot of people out there who should really examine their conscience, or, try to acquire one.  I'll never go out of my way to say directly to anybody, "Don't do this." or, "You can't do that." when it comes to anything that walks a gray area.  If you're among those I've done this to, sorry and know I'm trying to shut up most of the time.  On the other hand, I do think that the world needs to start getting the concept that for anybody you wrong in our existence, there will be consequences for it and you should probably try to stop.
     To close this article, I will just say that while it is much more difficult to love than to hate, the rewards of the harder thing are far better than the consequences of the easier one.  If everybody who reads this tries to remember that out in society (I said try, not always deliver!  Even I screw up most of the time.), the world would be just that much better off.  Again, thanks for listening.

Dismissed

     I was talking to a friend the other day who happens to work in the health care industry.  She told me that she had become upset at work because a client called and asked to cancel about sixty percent of her prescription drugs.  When my friend asked the lady why she was doing this, she answered by saying, "Because the doctor has given me less than six months to live and I'm only going to continue taking what I have to for the rest of my remaining days."  At this my friend felt very sad for this woman, although the woman wasn't sad at all.  As it turned out, she was 84 years old and dying of lung cancer.  She felt that she had lived a long and enjoyable life and was ready to go now.
     Death is a subject that tends to upset many, and it would be understandable why if you were under the impression that it meant the absolute end of one's life altogether.  Strangely enough, people that have a strong belief in god seem to be the most worried about it.  I find this rather amusing considering the fact that God has supposedly told us that He has promised us eternal life after our earthbound one.  Many of these folks go to church every Sunday and pray about being thankful to the promise of heaven as soon as they're done here, but continuously mourn the mortal deaths of their loved ones.
     It's understandable if you miss your friend/neighbor/family member/husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/dog/cat, oh shit, I could go on forever.  Even that stupid plant I forgot to water since the third day I had it.  The thing is, we don't know how they felt about it at the time.  They may have said that they were scared, or that they were worried about leaving us.  The outer appearance, though, is all WE got.  THEY may have felt something different inside.  They may have been living the last several days/months/years in pain or distress.  It is quite possible that they told God that they were ready to go without us even knowing that.  Also, God has a wonderful way of comforting those that are about to join him on the next plane of existence.
     For all of you that refuse to believe in God, (which is fine, by the way.  I don't judge anybody, or at least I try not to.) there was a man years ago by the name of Albert Einstein who theorized that energy cannot be created or destroyed.  This means that even if we die, we only lost our body, while the rest of the energy inside us lives on in other forms.  Even if you want to say that this is only a theory, you've got to admit that it doesn't sound like a bad one.
     Coming back around to my point here is this:  There is no reason to fear or be sad if a loved one dies.  You will see them again someday, and God has promised us unconditional love and forgiveness no matter what we do.  Keep the good memories, and let the rest go.  When my time comes, I can only hope and pray that all my loved ones (if there are any) will do the same thing.
     P.S.  If the zombie apocalypse happens, you may see your loved ones sooner than you think!

Why Bother?

     This week had been particularly taxing on me.  Last Saturday I picked up my truck from the dealership complete with a $1350.00 repair bill and an exhaust falling off it's manifold, which I then had to take to another mechanic to fix because the damn thing made more noise than the space shuttle.  My wife and I were denied government assistance for our special needs children because I make too much money, according to them.  My house is also currently sinking into the ground, and I have to rip the swimming pool out of my backyard since I can't afford to buy a new pump and filter for it.  There's more going on, but I think you get the drift.
     I'm not complaining about any of these issues.  They are nobody else's problem.  As a matter of fact, as strange as it sounds, I'm glad that I had all this come up this week, because it taught me a valuable lesson.  Life sucks sometimes, and you can't always help that, but you can always do your best to make it better.  Will it get better?  Who knows, but if you don't try then what the hell ARE you doing?
     I started a new job at work this week, and I wasn't thrilled about it because it wasn't the job that I was supposed to get.  I just chalked it up with everything else that went wrong and tried to make the most of it.  I was placed across the line from another man who was also originally from Michigan, what's now become a state of abandonment.  He had worked for the corporation just about as long as I had, only he was nearly twice my age.
     As I learned the new job, the people who trained me said the guy had an extremely bad attitude, and I soon found that to be an understatement.  This guy went on for hours that he hated living in Kansas City and couldn't wait to leave.  His back and neck hurt from doing the job and it wasn't fair that management stuck him there.  Gas was going up to five dollars a gallon, and we'd all be out of a job soon.  On and on this guy went, telling me his many tales of woe, and how the world had turned it's back on him.
     What this man could not tell me was how he was going to solve any of his problems.  I began explaining to him that I was trying to make a better run at life, that it was never too late, and that nobody should ever stop improving themselves as human beings.  All I received in return was more negativity, at times contradicting the original negative things he said.  I then realized that this man had condemned himself a slow and torturous death at his own hands.  I personally am not into martyrdom, nor will I ever be.
     In the end, I can't solve all of my problems right now, and this person probably won't ever solve his, but if you do not try, you are no longer alive in the scheme of things.  You are dying slowly, and life can no longer mean anything to you.  I could have told this gentleman he had just won five million dollars, and I'm sure he'd have found something negative to say about it.  The way he viewed things, there is no hope, and I guess when I got home from work I might as well have put a pistol in my mouth and pulled the trigger, saving myself more pain and suffering.  After all, nothing is going to make the world better.
     Maybe I'm still young and naive, but I still have some hope, and he should too.  If you're not happy with your life, change it.  You are still living, right?  It doesn't matter if you're 30 or 300 years old.  If you still carry a pulse, you also carry the ability to change things.  I'm not saying it'll be easy, because it sure as hell won't be, but it's at least a start.  If you settle on what  your life has become, and you're not happy, you're just dying and delaying doing yourself in.  That's sad because you're too lazy to change, and too scared to off yourself.  God gave us life for one reason, and it wasn't to sit there and worship him or to sit there and be miserable.  He gave us life to LIVE!!!!  Remember that, and don't ever stop trying until you reach happiness.  Anybody can do it.  Besides, nobody really wants to listen to you bitch about it.

My Cursed Blessing

     I always thought that I was special.  Nobody ever really said that I was, but that's how it was conveyed to me.  I felt emotions and feelings that no one could understand, and I never even thought for a moment that this was some kind of miracle.  It just simply was who I had been.
     Being a child the way I was was never easy, and I let the whole world know it if they were willing to listen.  I fought any kind of change in my routine, sometimes kicking and screaming, other times by simply saying, "No, thank you.  I don't want to."  My family had a hard time understanding it, I'm sure, and if there could have been a way to explain to them how I felt, I would've done so without a second thought.  Unfortunately, they had no answers, though.  They just took care of me the best they could.
     As I grew up I became very apathetic to everything around me.  Unless it involved me directly, I simply didn't care.  I drank almost every day, not always to excess, but just enough to slow me down a little.  My mind went so fast and there were always so many thoughts at once, the alcohol helped me slow it down and organize it.  To most around me, they never even knew, and that's how I wanted it.  Not being noticed could be my best friend sometimes, even if it were also my worst enemy.
     My subconscious was an even bigger mess than when I was awake and alert.  My dreams were very vivid and real, and they were so hellish I still don't know what has kept my sanity to date.  On the other hand, to see the kinds of things I saw there and actively remember it is quite a gift.  Again, small amounts of daily alcohol helped to suppress that part of me, and I would sleep more soundly and less actively.
     I always thought I was just gifted.  Something different than the run of the mill.  I first learned what the condition "autism" Meant when my wife told me our children may have it.  We never picked up on it with Julie, since as a toddler she simply acted like how I did when I was one.  I soon found out that both our boys would have that curse, and it's now possible that my daughter also has it and we never knew.  To my wife and I it was rather difficult news to take.  Nobody wants to be told that their children are different.  I never cared if I was, but that's because I liked me.
     When the psychologist met us for the first time and sat down with my youngest child, she was nearly certain of two things right away.  One, that Joshua was more than likely autistic, and two, that I also showed signs of high functioning autism.  Now for the first time in my life, I am no longer considered blessed, but rather cursed in some way.  This put my entire life from birth up into a whole new perspective.
     I would like to say that I am not sorry I found this out.  I am the best fucking person I could ever be today because of who I am, what I learned, and how I learned it.  I am strong, confident, and certain beyond all doubt that I can, and will, succeed in life.  I may not be as sympathetic to others, and I may show my feelings in an entirely different way than the rest of the world, but in a lot of ways that just helps to keep me ahead of things.  I am not cursed, but still the gifted person I always was.
     As for my three wonderful children, with proper intervention and help, as hard as raising them may be, I have the greatest of hope and faith that they will soar far higher than I ever could, with a strong education and the lord our god to help them.  They are, and will always be, the biggest reason why I am blessed and gifted after all.

A Practical View of Opposition

     The other day I found myself in a very unique position.  This happens a lot to me, so I guess it barely seems unique anymore, but it doesn't change the fact that it still is to most people.  I was at work trying to mind my own business when the person across from me began talking.  Sounds pretty normal at first, doesn't it?  After all, this happens to anybody and everybody every day, right?
     This person began to talk about politics, a subject that I and most others try to avoid.  Unfortunately, I was stuck at my job station and lack the ability to walk away.  I suppose I could tell this particular individual that I was not interested in hearing what he had to say, especially since he seemed a fairly stout conservative and me teetering the fence of being a liberal, but I thought there could be no harm in listening for awhile.  As a human being, the only way I or anybody can learn is to listen.  This is something that most people have forgotten nowadays, unless we are only listening to someone who already shares our opinion, which nothing new can be accomplished.
     I listened to this man go on for hours about historical facts, how he came to arrive at his opinion, and just in general how this individual came to be in his current state.  I have to say that this guy could easily be my friend now.  He made very valid points on diplomacy, the state of the economy, foreign trade, health care, and just about anything I could throw at him.  I tried not to offend him, and he went out of his way not to offend me or insult my intelligence.  While we debated for hours, we both continued to make valid points and justify our positions in what we believed.  It was almost beautiful, except for the fact that we couldn't agree on anything.  Well, except that we agreed to disagree.
     When I turn o my television set or read my newspaper nowadays, I see a lot of talk of bipartisanship.  I see the talk, but I do not see the action being carried out.  Both sides of our political empire in Washington are at complete opposition, with neither side making any sense whatsoever.  It makes a bad marriage look like a dream cruise.  For most politicians, this is something they are used to.  It's been going on for ages without letting up.  The only problem is that no solutions come out of two sides that never listen to one another, and millions of peoples lives are at stake.
     I don't expect any miracles out of writing this, and I know it's painful to spend time listening to someone you simply cannot agree with, but there is one thing that both political parties do agree on.  They both want to live and be a part of the greatest country in the world, and they both agree that this country is failing fast and needs help desperately.  If I could learn a few things from listening to somebody for a few hours, and he could learn a few things from me, I do believe there is some hope.  We all just have to shut up and listen long enough to find it.

The Beautiful Ugliness of Disrupt

     Last night was the first time in years that I began to work the graveyard shift.  It isn't pretty to have to report to work on a Sunday night to start a six day work week, but that's what life has handed me currently.  I shouldn't hate it too much after all, since I was the one to make the decision.
     Many of my friends, family and coworkers have asked me why I decided to make such a horrendous change in my process of conducting my very own nine to five, and I shrugged them off many different reasons for it.  It was time for a change.  I could use the extra shift premium.  I would get to see my daughter after school during the week now.  I wanted my Friday nights back.  At the same time, I also brought up the reasons why I shouldn't change my schedule.  I would be doing something completely different.  I've been on the same job on the same shift for three straight years now, and I was extremely good at what I did.  I have a good friend right across from me that I could always talk to about everything.  A new job on a new shift would not only upset my internal clock, but it would also make all the muscles in my body extremely sore.  Lastly, I was comfortable where I was.
     Of all the reasons for and against this shift in my schedule  (no pun intended), the first reason for it and the last reason against it are the two that stick out more than anything.  To be comfortable in today's society should practically be outlawed.  If you are happy with your station in life, something is wrong, because all of us should continue to stride further forward in life, trying each day to be a stronger and better person than the previous one.  I'm not saying you shouldn't be happy, but I am saying that a movement toward continuous improvement will always help to make you even more successful and better feeling than you already were.
     My time had come to get myself good and uncomfortable.  Otherwise, I would just continue to sit on that same job on the afternoon shift and watch the rest of my life rot away.  Looking at it from that perspective, I might as well have put a pistol in my mouth and gotten the rest of my life over with.  I always tell people that I know that the more you stop experiencing things in life, the more you stop living at that point and just start dying slowly.  That's what all this is about.  I don't want to spend the rest of my days rotting away on a factory floor.  I was meant for more than that.  I perceive myself to be better than that.  The more uncomfortable I make myself with my day to day operations, the harder I try to be a better person.  That's the beauty of discomfort.

Where's my flying car?

     Ok, so I woke up at five in the morning and one simple question came to mind.  Where the hell is my flying car?  Most normal people who are anxiously awaken in the middle of the night may think about unpaid bills, where our country is headed, where they may be heading themselves, but not me.  I desperately want to know where my promised aerobatic automobile is right now.
     This world has become a maddening place today.  People are constantly moving in different directions at what appears to be the speed of light, technology reigns on high, and things seem to have led us into an on-demand society.  You would think on our long list of demands we have gathered would be the one thing scientists and our own imaginations have promised us for nearly half a century.  A freakin' flying car.  It's been on the minds of important people since the creation of The Jetsons!
     I can remember several speeches in my life different important characters have given me over the years, from my father all the way up to any of our US presidents.  Study hard, do good in school, be a good person, and you can have anything you want or could possibly dream of.  I feel like I've been cheated.  Here with all this unlimited information at the fingertips of all societies, not to mention the technological advances in the modern world today, you would think somebody would put together a flying car.  But no, every morning when I open my newspaper, not a single goddamn one.  Just more religion and politics and bickering and stupid repetative bullshit.
      It's obvious that there's only one thing I can do.  Continue to sit on my couch and wait for someone to come through with my flying car.  I'm far too busy watching Dancing With the Stars to design one myself, let alone build one.  It really sucks too because I bet when the first one comes out it'll be a piece of shit.  Well, unless the Chinese build it.  After all, they make the best stuff, right?  That's why there the only flag I see on any of the products in all of our stores.
     This small essay I wrote clearly doesn't have to be just about cars that fly.  It's about what this world has come to.  There was once a time when if somebody wanted something in this society, he got up and did something about it.  When I read the news nowadays, all I hear is everybody in the world complaining about anything and everything without one sane solution to any of the problems.  I decided to start writing so that maybe my small voice could be heard, because I'm sick of not doing anything.  I want my children to be proud of the world they live in, and if I'm not happy with it, how could they ever be?
     By the way, this isn't one of those posts telling people to just go out and solve their problems with name calling and violence, even though that seems to be the status quo currently.  I'm just saying that if you're not happy with how your life is going, get off your couch and start changing it.  Go build your flying car and if it doesn't fly, don't stop trying until it does.  Ask Lexus for help or something.  I hear they're good at building cars.