Under The Orange Lights: Life On The Inside

     My name, which really no longer seems important, is George.  Well, that's no exactly true.  My name was George before I was locked inside this factory.  My new identity is #466664 and I am currently under the employment of General Ideas Inc.  To say that they are my employers really doesn't cover the situation I am stuck in though.  I am more like some kind of 21st century slave.  I'm not even sure I earn a paycheck inside this place.  If I am, I haven't been able to draw on it for the seven years I've been working here.  I started writing in this journal in the hopes that if I die, somebody will know what really goes on in this place someday.  Before I get to that, though, I'd better explain how I got locked in here in the first place.
     My journey toward becoming #466664 started with a letter, just as most strange adventures used to start.  It was nothing more than a flyer for a job fair, forwarded to me by my unemployment case worker.  I had been out of work for nine months, and times were really starting to get tough for old George.  The flyer was really something odd to read, though.  It sounded like this:
    Out of work?  Need a job?  Want to make big money?  Then come down to  such and such address in the industrial district and change your life forever!  Make a huge salary working in a fun environment!  Join your fellow employees in the Union!  Make new friendships that will last a lifetime!  Pay ALL your bills for once!
     It was a strange little flyer, but what really struck me as odd was the note on the back side.  It was somebody's scribbles that said, Welcome to the rest of your life, George.  Knowing that somebody took the time to personally address me by name made me feel good.  It's needless to say that I don't feel good about it anymore.
     Not knowing any better, and maybe more out of boredom than curiosity, I drove to the address provided.  I was informed by the phone number provided that I could come down for orientation anytime I wanted, day or night, because the place was always running.  I was greeted in the lobby by a heavy-set man in a three-piece suit.  He was balding and graying, and doing his best to hide both of these qualities.
     "Pleased to meet you, George!  My name is Mr. Prick, and I manage this wonderful workplace.  You are going to LOVE it here!  Just come right in with a few of the others and we'll get started."  I didn't make it five more steps before some kind of trap-door contraption pulled the floor out from under me and sent me down a chute!  I landed on a concrete floor under strange orange lights and lost consciousness.
     When I came to, I saw that I was no longer alone.  There were about fifteen to twenty others around me, all with similar stories to my own describing how we arrived there.  Just before we were about to introduce ourselves, a large steel door in the corner of the room opened and the same man that met me in the lobby walked in.  The only difference was that he was wearing a different outfit, consisting of a black button up shirt, dress slacks, and a "Union" button pinned to him.
     "Good morning/afternoon/evening.  I am Mr. Richard Head, your union representative.  You can all call me Dick.  Welcome to the General Ideas Corporation.  From now on, if you have any questions, don't bother asking management.  They are just a group of assholes out to get you.  Instead, since you are now enrolled in the union, you can ask me everything and I promise to be as honest as I'm allowed to be.  By the way, you will all be paying your union dues every month, which is currently half of anything you make here.  Now, are there any questions?"
     "Yeah, I have one," I spoke right up.  "What the hell is this?  You're not the union rep, you're Mr. Prick!  You're just wearing a different--"
     "You're mistaken," the large bulky man cut me off.  "Mr. Prick is running the factory right now.  He's far too busy to be talking to you about these matters.  I wouldn't ask him anything though.  Just like the rest of management, he can't be trusted."
     Before anything else could be said, we were whisked away to another area of the factory where we would begin training.  All of us, from that point on, knew that we had made a mistake coming to this place.  We were outraged that the "Union" would be taking half of our paychecks, but that didn't last terribly long once we found out that we would never see a check from General Ideas.  I'll get to that more at another time, though.  For now, why do I take a minute to describe what we do here?
     General Ideas prides itself on making the highest quality product that is on the market today.  What product would we be assembling in this strange orange-lighted no window or door factory in what I believe to be the year 2013 (I say believe because there are no clocks or any concept of time in this place)?  We assemble cassette tape players.  Yes, you heard me right; something that nobody could ever want, something that is completely useless in the twenty-first century; tape players.  We sell this now-useless 1980's product for just the low union-made price of $299.99, and at that price, people could easily afford to buy two!  Well, that's at least what Mr. Prick tells us, and that's probably on the supposition that some poor sap out in the world not only has 600 bucks to spend, but also actually owns two cassettes to use them in!
     So here I sit, composing my journal.  Why would I do this?  Why now, after seven years of orange lights and no clocks and building 700 cassette players per day and union and management the same fudge-packing person and never seeing the outside world again?  Why?  It's simple.  People in here are crazy.  I've noticed what happens to them.  The longer they are here, the more crazy they get.  I'm starting to feel it myself.  My mind is slipping away, and I'm writing this to hold onto any sanity that I possibly can.  I may eventually lose it, myself, but until then, I record this journal to tell the story that many outsider will never get to experience firsthand.  I'll tell you all about life in here, the unusual workers that meander around, and how we can NEVER escape.  Oh, if you were to ask Mr. Prick, or Dick, or whatever that asshole decides to call himself, he'd tell you, "They can leave whenever they want.  They just have to clock out through the turn-style."  That's the problem; the turn-style doesn't exist!
     So this is my story, our story actually.  This is an epic saga of a man who used to be named George; a man now only known to most as #466664;  a man trapped under the orange lights.

Under The Orange Lights: Introduction To The Nightmare

     Welcome, one and all, to a brave new world!  Step right up, come right in, and take a look around.  is everybody in?  Good, we've officially sealed the doors shut, so you can forget about second thoughts!  My good people, you have been pre-selected to take part in a wonderful opportunity.  A place now stands before you that most normal people never get to see.  What's better, most that actually see it never want to see it again, so congratulations on your entry.  Here in this wonderful place, you will work harder than you ever had before, become extremely bored out of your mind, and live your lives, and I do mean the rest of it, to the absolute un-extreme!
     There are many sights to see here; the one-eyed pirate, the never ending food consuming monster, the born again Christian, the born again virgin (whatever the hell that is), the pushers, the shooters, the pimp, and many more freaks of nature!  There are all kinds of attractions and side-shows that are ridiculous enough to make you scream yourself to death, banging your head against a brick wall as you do!
     One day, when you're old and gray, have a beard that falls to the floor (whether you're a man or a woman), maybe, just maybe, we'll let you out of here.  In the meantime, grab a workstation, don't sit down, wait three hours for your first bathroom break, and enjoy the rest of your life here.  Welcome, to life under the orange lights!

C'mon, Really?

     I just love seeing new followers on my page, so I'll take a moment to say thanks.  Anybody who reads what I have to say, whether they like it or not, deserves my gratitude.  Another thing to anybody who reads; always feel free (or reasonably inexpensive!) to leave feedback on any of my blogs, so I always know how you feel.  Again, thanks a ton.
     Okay, on to business.  It may be that I've been reading a great deal of spiritual books as of late (or what you bible thumpers out there consider "fiction"), but I am constantly shocked and appalled by the complete lack of general morality that goes with living on this planet nowadays.  People out there seem to be aiming to reach a new low, and I'm not even sure if ANYBODY is aware of it.  Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint by any stretch of the imagination, but there are a few cases I've heard about that just seem to surprise even me.
     My wife called me this morning from our church where she was having a girl scout cookie sale for my daughter and her troop.  While it was wonderful that our local community took time and money to help a cause that supports women everywhere, I was informed of something kind of disturbing.  Between masses, my wife was told by the church staff that if she needed to leave for any reason, she may want to pack up all of her product and take it with her until she returns because there was a man that hangs around with "sticky fingers".  At first, I was wondering if the term meant that the guy was a child molester or something (I don't hear that term very often), but I was soon informed that it meant he walks around stealing pretty much anything that isn't bolted to the floor.  Okay, I know people steal things nowadays; that doesn't surprise me.  But, in a church, while mass is being conducted?  The only words I can muster about this are, "What the fuck!?"  Evidently the church also can't do much about it because he has to be caught in the act to prosecute, otherwise it would be unlawful and they could face a lawsuit.  Interesting, huh?
     A woman is currently on trial for murdering her three children.  Why would someone commit such a heinous crime, would you ask?  She found out that there was a life insurance policy on them and wanted to cash in with their lives.  In my opinion, even if you wanted to throw morality and ethics out the window in this case, did this person really think she would get to keep the money after the authorities found out?  Seriously, what the hell?
     I could share more anecdotes about what's happening out there, but I don't have to because anybody who reads the press or spends any time on the Internet now sees this every day.  I truly think that there are a lot of people out there who should really examine their conscience, or, try to acquire one.  I'll never go out of my way to say directly to anybody, "Don't do this." or, "You can't do that." when it comes to anything that walks a gray area.  If you're among those I've done this to, sorry and know I'm trying to shut up most of the time.  On the other hand, I do think that the world needs to start getting the concept that for anybody you wrong in our existence, there will be consequences for it and you should probably try to stop.
     To close this article, I will just say that while it is much more difficult to love than to hate, the rewards of the harder thing are far better than the consequences of the easier one.  If everybody who reads this tries to remember that out in society (I said try, not always deliver!  Even I screw up most of the time.), the world would be just that much better off.  Again, thanks for listening.

Dismissed

     I was talking to a friend the other day who happens to work in the health care industry.  She told me that she had become upset at work because a client called and asked to cancel about sixty percent of her prescription drugs.  When my friend asked the lady why she was doing this, she answered by saying, "Because the doctor has given me less than six months to live and I'm only going to continue taking what I have to for the rest of my remaining days."  At this my friend felt very sad for this woman, although the woman wasn't sad at all.  As it turned out, she was 84 years old and dying of lung cancer.  She felt that she had lived a long and enjoyable life and was ready to go now.
     Death is a subject that tends to upset many, and it would be understandable why if you were under the impression that it meant the absolute end of one's life altogether.  Strangely enough, people that have a strong belief in god seem to be the most worried about it.  I find this rather amusing considering the fact that God has supposedly told us that He has promised us eternal life after our earthbound one.  Many of these folks go to church every Sunday and pray about being thankful to the promise of heaven as soon as they're done here, but continuously mourn the mortal deaths of their loved ones.
     It's understandable if you miss your friend/neighbor/family member/husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/dog/cat, oh shit, I could go on forever.  Even that stupid plant I forgot to water since the third day I had it.  The thing is, we don't know how they felt about it at the time.  They may have said that they were scared, or that they were worried about leaving us.  The outer appearance, though, is all WE got.  THEY may have felt something different inside.  They may have been living the last several days/months/years in pain or distress.  It is quite possible that they told God that they were ready to go without us even knowing that.  Also, God has a wonderful way of comforting those that are about to join him on the next plane of existence.
     For all of you that refuse to believe in God, (which is fine, by the way.  I don't judge anybody, or at least I try not to.) there was a man years ago by the name of Albert Einstein who theorized that energy cannot be created or destroyed.  This means that even if we die, we only lost our body, while the rest of the energy inside us lives on in other forms.  Even if you want to say that this is only a theory, you've got to admit that it doesn't sound like a bad one.
     Coming back around to my point here is this:  There is no reason to fear or be sad if a loved one dies.  You will see them again someday, and God has promised us unconditional love and forgiveness no matter what we do.  Keep the good memories, and let the rest go.  When my time comes, I can only hope and pray that all my loved ones (if there are any) will do the same thing.
     P.S.  If the zombie apocalypse happens, you may see your loved ones sooner than you think!

Why Bother?

     This week had been particularly taxing on me.  Last Saturday I picked up my truck from the dealership complete with a $1350.00 repair bill and an exhaust falling off it's manifold, which I then had to take to another mechanic to fix because the damn thing made more noise than the space shuttle.  My wife and I were denied government assistance for our special needs children because I make too much money, according to them.  My house is also currently sinking into the ground, and I have to rip the swimming pool out of my backyard since I can't afford to buy a new pump and filter for it.  There's more going on, but I think you get the drift.
     I'm not complaining about any of these issues.  They are nobody else's problem.  As a matter of fact, as strange as it sounds, I'm glad that I had all this come up this week, because it taught me a valuable lesson.  Life sucks sometimes, and you can't always help that, but you can always do your best to make it better.  Will it get better?  Who knows, but if you don't try then what the hell ARE you doing?
     I started a new job at work this week, and I wasn't thrilled about it because it wasn't the job that I was supposed to get.  I just chalked it up with everything else that went wrong and tried to make the most of it.  I was placed across the line from another man who was also originally from Michigan, what's now become a state of abandonment.  He had worked for the corporation just about as long as I had, only he was nearly twice my age.
     As I learned the new job, the people who trained me said the guy had an extremely bad attitude, and I soon found that to be an understatement.  This guy went on for hours that he hated living in Kansas City and couldn't wait to leave.  His back and neck hurt from doing the job and it wasn't fair that management stuck him there.  Gas was going up to five dollars a gallon, and we'd all be out of a job soon.  On and on this guy went, telling me his many tales of woe, and how the world had turned it's back on him.
     What this man could not tell me was how he was going to solve any of his problems.  I began explaining to him that I was trying to make a better run at life, that it was never too late, and that nobody should ever stop improving themselves as human beings.  All I received in return was more negativity, at times contradicting the original negative things he said.  I then realized that this man had condemned himself a slow and torturous death at his own hands.  I personally am not into martyrdom, nor will I ever be.
     In the end, I can't solve all of my problems right now, and this person probably won't ever solve his, but if you do not try, you are no longer alive in the scheme of things.  You are dying slowly, and life can no longer mean anything to you.  I could have told this gentleman he had just won five million dollars, and I'm sure he'd have found something negative to say about it.  The way he viewed things, there is no hope, and I guess when I got home from work I might as well have put a pistol in my mouth and pulled the trigger, saving myself more pain and suffering.  After all, nothing is going to make the world better.
     Maybe I'm still young and naive, but I still have some hope, and he should too.  If you're not happy with your life, change it.  You are still living, right?  It doesn't matter if you're 30 or 300 years old.  If you still carry a pulse, you also carry the ability to change things.  I'm not saying it'll be easy, because it sure as hell won't be, but it's at least a start.  If you settle on what  your life has become, and you're not happy, you're just dying and delaying doing yourself in.  That's sad because you're too lazy to change, and too scared to off yourself.  God gave us life for one reason, and it wasn't to sit there and worship him or to sit there and be miserable.  He gave us life to LIVE!!!!  Remember that, and don't ever stop trying until you reach happiness.  Anybody can do it.  Besides, nobody really wants to listen to you bitch about it.

My Cursed Blessing

     I always thought that I was special.  Nobody ever really said that I was, but that's how it was conveyed to me.  I felt emotions and feelings that no one could understand, and I never even thought for a moment that this was some kind of miracle.  It just simply was who I had been.
     Being a child the way I was was never easy, and I let the whole world know it if they were willing to listen.  I fought any kind of change in my routine, sometimes kicking and screaming, other times by simply saying, "No, thank you.  I don't want to."  My family had a hard time understanding it, I'm sure, and if there could have been a way to explain to them how I felt, I would've done so without a second thought.  Unfortunately, they had no answers, though.  They just took care of me the best they could.
     As I grew up I became very apathetic to everything around me.  Unless it involved me directly, I simply didn't care.  I drank almost every day, not always to excess, but just enough to slow me down a little.  My mind went so fast and there were always so many thoughts at once, the alcohol helped me slow it down and organize it.  To most around me, they never even knew, and that's how I wanted it.  Not being noticed could be my best friend sometimes, even if it were also my worst enemy.
     My subconscious was an even bigger mess than when I was awake and alert.  My dreams were very vivid and real, and they were so hellish I still don't know what has kept my sanity to date.  On the other hand, to see the kinds of things I saw there and actively remember it is quite a gift.  Again, small amounts of daily alcohol helped to suppress that part of me, and I would sleep more soundly and less actively.
     I always thought I was just gifted.  Something different than the run of the mill.  I first learned what the condition "autism" Meant when my wife told me our children may have it.  We never picked up on it with Julie, since as a toddler she simply acted like how I did when I was one.  I soon found out that both our boys would have that curse, and it's now possible that my daughter also has it and we never knew.  To my wife and I it was rather difficult news to take.  Nobody wants to be told that their children are different.  I never cared if I was, but that's because I liked me.
     When the psychologist met us for the first time and sat down with my youngest child, she was nearly certain of two things right away.  One, that Joshua was more than likely autistic, and two, that I also showed signs of high functioning autism.  Now for the first time in my life, I am no longer considered blessed, but rather cursed in some way.  This put my entire life from birth up into a whole new perspective.
     I would like to say that I am not sorry I found this out.  I am the best fucking person I could ever be today because of who I am, what I learned, and how I learned it.  I am strong, confident, and certain beyond all doubt that I can, and will, succeed in life.  I may not be as sympathetic to others, and I may show my feelings in an entirely different way than the rest of the world, but in a lot of ways that just helps to keep me ahead of things.  I am not cursed, but still the gifted person I always was.
     As for my three wonderful children, with proper intervention and help, as hard as raising them may be, I have the greatest of hope and faith that they will soar far higher than I ever could, with a strong education and the lord our god to help them.  They are, and will always be, the biggest reason why I am blessed and gifted after all.

A Practical View of Opposition

     The other day I found myself in a very unique position.  This happens a lot to me, so I guess it barely seems unique anymore, but it doesn't change the fact that it still is to most people.  I was at work trying to mind my own business when the person across from me began talking.  Sounds pretty normal at first, doesn't it?  After all, this happens to anybody and everybody every day, right?
     This person began to talk about politics, a subject that I and most others try to avoid.  Unfortunately, I was stuck at my job station and lack the ability to walk away.  I suppose I could tell this particular individual that I was not interested in hearing what he had to say, especially since he seemed a fairly stout conservative and me teetering the fence of being a liberal, but I thought there could be no harm in listening for awhile.  As a human being, the only way I or anybody can learn is to listen.  This is something that most people have forgotten nowadays, unless we are only listening to someone who already shares our opinion, which nothing new can be accomplished.
     I listened to this man go on for hours about historical facts, how he came to arrive at his opinion, and just in general how this individual came to be in his current state.  I have to say that this guy could easily be my friend now.  He made very valid points on diplomacy, the state of the economy, foreign trade, health care, and just about anything I could throw at him.  I tried not to offend him, and he went out of his way not to offend me or insult my intelligence.  While we debated for hours, we both continued to make valid points and justify our positions in what we believed.  It was almost beautiful, except for the fact that we couldn't agree on anything.  Well, except that we agreed to disagree.
     When I turn o my television set or read my newspaper nowadays, I see a lot of talk of bipartisanship.  I see the talk, but I do not see the action being carried out.  Both sides of our political empire in Washington are at complete opposition, with neither side making any sense whatsoever.  It makes a bad marriage look like a dream cruise.  For most politicians, this is something they are used to.  It's been going on for ages without letting up.  The only problem is that no solutions come out of two sides that never listen to one another, and millions of peoples lives are at stake.
     I don't expect any miracles out of writing this, and I know it's painful to spend time listening to someone you simply cannot agree with, but there is one thing that both political parties do agree on.  They both want to live and be a part of the greatest country in the world, and they both agree that this country is failing fast and needs help desperately.  If I could learn a few things from listening to somebody for a few hours, and he could learn a few things from me, I do believe there is some hope.  We all just have to shut up and listen long enough to find it.